Time is a theme right now. Or perhaps more accurately: time is always present and sometimes we’re aware of it’s presence more keenly.
Last weekend we decided to escape. Partly because it was your mama’s birthday and partly for a belated family Christmas gift. We found a rental house a couple of hours away – near our favorite bookstore destination – and planned to decompress and reconnect. Time together.
Why did we have to pack up the car with the two doggos, drive a couple of hours, buy groceries, and rent an Airbnb to do that?
Because it wouldn’t have happened at home.
At home we have too many competing priorities, all of us being pulled into different directions. I’m actually the biggest culprit. If we’re home the call of *one* more home task or errand is unavoidable and distracting. That list of “Could do!” items is unending and constantly updated. That list is a siren call whenever slow time is introduced in the house.
So after our requisite visit to the book fair, we got to the place, made our shopping run, and changed into our PJs. We spent a couple of hours reading together in the same room and attempted to make sense of a intimidating new board game. Followed by dinner and our our traditional Airbnb vacation dessert: pound cake with strawberries and ice cream. (It’s funny how the smallest of things can find root and grow into a “tradition”.)
We then watched the first of two movies, both of which featured watches prominently.
The first was Interstellar, one of my favorites. I was surprised actually how well all three of you followed (one of you even called out a couple of the “twists” ahead of time). The theme of a father and a daughter connected through time and space with love somehow being a connecting force was one that resonated strongly for obvious reasons.
The next night we watched (ha) was Stranger Than Fiction, an older movie with a very clever screenplay. Like Interstellar, it plays with the ideas of free will, fate, and acceptance. At the end an anthropormorphic wristwatch ended up saving the main characters life.
We (eventually) figuring out the rules to that board game (we think) and had fun with it. We enjoyed more reading time, time exploring the caverns, and a late night freezing family trip to the hot tub. Memories were made.
I’m dubiously blessed with a natural predilection for either thinking about the future or pondering the past. But there are times that I cannot block out the sound of the ticking seconds of the passing clock and exercise some will to stay in the present moment as much as I can. This past weekend seemed steeped in symbology surrounding time: Time away, time together, a movie about space/time, . It was not lost on me that your mama uncharacteristically forgot her watch at home.
All good things have to end, so on Monday we had a leisurely breakfast and packed up our stuff for the short trip home. All of you got onto your Airpods to listen to your own music (god forbid you have to listen to my music selection). But as we were driving I had constant flashbacks to the hours and hours and thousands of miles we’ve logged together in the car. My favorite memories include these times, with all of you safe and secure and oblivious. Sometimes snoozing away, with the blind trust that things will be okay and we’re going to get to wherever we were going safely.
When we got home, the time was over. We all got into the house and went into 5 different directions – throwing laundry in, getting ready for a dentist visit, me checking the mail and logging in to address a couple of work emails. While there I saw on Facebook an update from a legacy connection from long ago, a time from being I knew your mama and I swam in different social waters. A man who I had once known – ate at his dinner table, laughed at his jokes – had passed away from terminal cancer. He was my age and a daughter only a few years older than the oldest of you.
It’s all fleeting. Despite how much I want to hang onto these specific moments together, it will change. Very soon you will be helping with the driving, and perhaps I’ll be in the back seat looking out the window, listening to my own Spotify mix (because I don’t want to listen to yours) and trusting that you’ll be getting us to where we’re going safely.
And I know I’ll want to hold onto those moments too, because it is in our nature to be greedy for time with our loved ones. Perhaps all we can do is swing from moment to moment, necessarily being forced to let go of what was to allow ourselves to hold onto what will be.